I wake up most days pretty darn thankful for the life I live. It’s not all perfect by any means, but I’m able to do the things I like to do on a daily basis. Add on the good friends and family I have, and it makes it hard not to be a happy person. I’m living proof that you don’t need money to be happy. I’m also living proof that you can, in fact, make food stick to a non-stick pan.
I like to think that I’m a pretty confident person. I have an open mind and take direction well, but I also know what I’m capable of. I was brought up to believe that there is no limit and that I can do whatever I decide I want to do. Obviously that isn’t reality, but it has been a very good philosophy to live by. It has allowed me to pursue goals and ambitions that seem far-fetched and that some would shy away from, since they are “impossible.” I don’t give up that easily.
On a path to becoming a sound engineer, sometimes I step back and think I must be crazy. In an industry with fierce competition and critics of the masses, it’s not the easiest line of work to get into. There are people who have been doing this since before I was born, and to think that I am trying to do what they do sounds insane. Having just finished school and with limited real-world experience, I feel very meager at times. I know there others that started out just like me, but I can’t help but wonder if I’m doing enough, learning enough and most importantly capable enough to “get it.”
This brings me to the title of this post: self-doubt. Whether you are a multi-million dollar actor/actress or a cashier at a grocery store, it is pretty safe to say that you’ve probably dealt with self-doubt before. It’s a feeling of uncertainty and failure, and it has the power to make a person give up. I’d be lying if I said that when I’m mixing, recording or navigating through a signal flow chain, that I’ve never doubted myself. It happens quite often actually, and I catch myself thinking “I’m never going to make it in this field.”
Self-doubt triggers us to go back to our “happy place.” The place where we are comfortable and are able to do what we already know how to do. You don’t have to think much in a place like this, because it’s all second nature. The name “happy place” is misleading in most cases, because it’s usually just an escape from what could potentially be.
While these thoughts of self-doubt are pretty common in my world right now, I know I won’t let it stop me. I may make stupid mistakes and I might make a fool of myself, but none of those things are enough to keep me from trying. I am smarter than that, and I know that the only way to fail is to quit. Struggles often make the outcome that much richer. In battling the self-doubt, I take the time to look at how far I’ve come and realize how lucky I am to have the resources to help me learn more.
For as long as I want to be doing this, I will continue to do it. It will be tough, it will be frustrating, and I’m bound to embarrass myself somewhere along the way, but eventually I will get better. And if I don’t get better, I’ll resort to making cotton candy at the fair because at least I’d get to eat cotton candy all day.
Whether or not the self-doubt ever goes away, I have the tools to keep pressing on. The biggest obstacle in most people’s way is themselves, and once you learn to get past that, the possibilities are endless. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll be one of those people that’s been doing this since before someone else was born and I’ll be the one giving them advice. For now, I’ll keep my head up and continue to make my way into the world of audio production. Hopefully by then, I’ll have also learned how to grease a pan…………….
itjustsoundsgood 